There is no acceptable reason for letting your children in a car with an alcoholic at the wheel. Many of my clients have come to me wondering how they should handle the relationship with their ex-spouse or significant other as it pertains to their children. Anne's Question: Does the fact that I have a medical marijuana card affect my chances of getting custody of my son? My GF DRINKS AND DRIVES with our CHILDREN I live in Florida; my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have two beautiful children. Any problems your soon-to-be-ex-wife has with alcohol need to be raised for two reasons. How is visitation handled if he doesn't have a driver's license? Guest. If he does get visitation rights, do I need to meet him or should he drive and hour to pick her up? Or you could do supervised access through a family centre. Could I lose custody because my boyfriend got a DWI? Can you keep the kids safe if you stay with your husband? Families affected by parental substance use. You have married men, both of whom were drunk drivers. 2) You will commit to picking up and returning the children at a certain hour/certain day, unless other arrangements have been made. My son told the doctor that his daddy yells at him a lot and started to get emotional. Express your concerns, but in a non-accusatory way. Regarding the case at hand, Father took the right steps by notifying CYFD and APD. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. I really dont know what to do, but I'm really not happy about this, advise anyone? You can offer evidence about your job, living conditions, lifestyle, charitable work, rehab, addiction treatment, etc. My fianc made a mistake and got a DWI and he will be on probation. Every time she goes to see her father, I find out he has been smoking marijuana in front of her and I am concerned that his drug use will influence her. Substance use is a real issue that many adults struggle with. Nicole's Question: My ex is an avid pot smoker and also uses other drugs. Inflexibility. Today she had both of our children in the car after drinking an entire bottle of wine to herself. If the issue is raised during a child custody hearing, the judge will likely order an investigation of the matter to determine whether the allegations are true, and if so, whether theparents alcohol or drug use impacts their ability to properly care for the children. Re: Carrie Day-Drinks & Drives-a-Ton: Part 3. But let's say that custody has already been determined. Adah Chung is a fact checker, writer, researcher, and occupational therapist. When an ex-partner is an alcoholic there may be contact options such as contact still taking place if your child is a sensible teenager or for younger children contact visits taking place at a grandparent or aunt's home or contact centre However, if you are really concerned, you ought to do something that shows you are taking your arrest seriously - join AA or another treatment program to show you are taking steps to keep it from ever happening again. Question: I have custody of my 8 years old granddaughter (who has lived with me since birth) because neither parent was fit due to drug usage. The evidence is overwhelming. Whatever the term, it is criminal. 7) If I am not comfortable with your state of responsibility or question your sobriety, I will have no choice but to get child welfare services or the police involved. It sounds to me like the kids would be in far more danger in his household than yours. Earlier this week, Albuquerque media covered the story of a mother that crashed while driving under the influence, killing her seven year old child. A year ago my ex and I split due to his alcohol abuse. Tell him once and then let him go. Q: Seven years ago, at age 24, I lost my first husband in a car accident. Interfering with the other parent's parenting time. It strikes me that the solution to this problem is both simple and elegant and I wish more family court judges had the courage to implement it: simply require an alcoholic parent who wishes to have visitation with his or her child to stop drinking period. I have full custody of our 2 minor children and my ex-wife gets visitation. Ask that a law guardian or guardian ad litem be assigned to the case. Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads. I'm going to try and get full custody of my son because of the alcoholism that's going on now. Could I lose custody because I got a DUI? My ex-husband habitually drinks and drives with our 9 yo daughter in the car. How can I be sure he's not abusing again? Parents surveyed more than 1,600 moms to find out exactly what that means when it comes to raising kids . We have two wonderful children together and they deserve both of our love and attention as caring and responsible parents and adults; I know that you would not disagree. Teen drivers are 3 times more likely than more experienced drivers to be in a fatal crash. You could ask that he be tested for drugs, but the court isn't going to do that before every visit and you couldn't get the girlfriend tested. I can refuse visitation rights due to his drug usage without having to go to an attorney? Good luck with it I know its hard but please please do not ignore it hun x. Hello Chloe & welcome to Netmums :hiya::hiya::hiya: Help with the accelerator reading program. She is an immature idiot with a child's view of how the world works. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? If your marriage ends which would not be surprising, either because your husband dies or you cant stand to stay in this situation you dont want a third husband to fit the same mold. Brette's Answer: Ask for a substance abuse evaluation as well as a mental health evaluation. For example, he goes to his brother's house and drinks for several hours and then drives 35-40 . You need to have sole custody of these children and if he wants visitation, I would want it to be supervised, at least until he completes a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. I don't want to deny my children their father, but I am worried about their safety when they're with him. My ex is no angel either. The doctor diagnosed him with anxiety and also talked to me about having me contact youth services. Question: My ex-husband and I share equal custody of our children, and neither of us pays child support. The alcoholic parents whose representation I considered to be successful were in recovery and were committed to not drinking. Brette's Answer: Honestly I think that your two relapses are going to be of great concern to the court. Her father has a lot of issues with drugs and is currently in an inpatient rehabilitation center. He has supervised visits right now, and he barely comes, but in a month we have to go back to court and he wants to take my daughter for weekends. You have to be in a position to be proactive and be able to help your child. I don't want to make my kids have to testify against their own father but I don't know what else to do. Brette's Answer: The documentation you have is compelling evidence that your husband should not have custody and I don't know why you would agree to allow him to have them 2 months at a time. In this case, the Petition could have been filed with Second Judicial District Court. Sometimes, a court-appointed social worker or family member supervises these types ofsessions. As mentioned above, parents should immediately contact CYFD when they reasonably believe that the other parent poses an immediate threat of harm to their child, or abuse/neglect has occurred. You are abdicating your responsibility as a parent to say it is too late to protect your children. Don't let your ex intimidate you. Ultimately, you must ensure that you have the best criminal defense . What should I do about my son's visits with his father? Firstly as harsh as it sounds I think you need to report your ex for drink driving. This standardtakes eachparty's general parenting fitnessincluding alcohol and/or drug useinto account. It is grossly unfair to require the other parent to monitor the alcoholic parents drinking: often that parent has spent years in an enabling relationship with the alcoholic parent and has turned to the family court so as to stop further enmeshment in the alcoholic parents drinking. If you are concerned about your childs safety, you may want to file for a restraining order or refuse visitation with the other parent. Unfortunately, I did fail one drug test, but I took a 10 week class and had the charges dismissed. If you feel so inclined, you may allow the alcoholic/addict parent to come up with their own proposal and possibly come to a mutual agreement and understanding. Lastly, gross neglect of the children when in the ex's partner's care could lead to a court order prohibiting the ex's partner from babysitting the children. But when, exactly, do the courts get involved, and what can you do, as a concerned parent, to protect your children while still adhering to a court-ordered visitation and child custody schedule? Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? All Rights Reserved. Get exclusive articles, tips, and resources. A court appointed child representative will do the following: Conducting an interview with you and your ex-spouse. You should start documenting things with a journal or calendar now. Badmouthing other parent to kids. He is trying to tell me when he gets out of rehab he is going to take me back to court for custody. You may be better to keep an eye on the situation, make your concerns known to him and wait and see. Since such determinations ride on credibility determinations, and since credibility determinations often require lots of witnesses and lots of cross-examination of these witnesses to test credibility, these hearings require substantial docket time and the court is often loath to devote substantial docket time to these issuesespecially when the same issue (alcoholic parents drinking) keeps arising. Rarely have I known a father or mother to abandon their children in order to live a life of substance abuse, but I did have a client who shared that her ex-husband would rather live in a box; virtually homeless and drink each day than have any contact with his children. I told him not to smoke pot around our daughter and he said he could do what he wanted. Almost certainly an Order of Protection would have been entered if CYFD testified that an act of abuse occurred and that Mother posed an immediate threat of danger to the child. 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