Itll probably all come crashing down in the end. Alan Partridge: I'm not haggling! I confused the boys. Baby, you're the best. Michael: Aye. Minor repairs. When North Norfolk Digital was sent a box of heavy metal CDs,19 muggins here was about to open it when fellow DJ Rudy Gibson shouted over, Careful, Alan. No! I've had enough of that! No, seriously, run. I'll just wait for it to finish. Wh-what is it you want? Alan Partridge: Can you fingerprint a sausage? Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. What a great song. Yes, bacon ten out of ten, button mushrooms bingo, black pudding snap, uh, minor criticism, more distance between eggs and beans. Hmm, tricky. Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, er, it leaves in five minutes, so, er, better learn to jog again quickly. Login . He's an idiot. I think we all did. Lynn Benfield: But if you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a skeleton staff of two, and Alan Partridge: There's no point finishing the sentence, Lynn, because I am not driving a Mini-Metro. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I cut it right in half, right? [Alan walks into the Linton Travel Tavern and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen's "Killer Queen"]. Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? 1. Hello Suzanne. Went to Silverstone. Alan Partridge: Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan? My father died on 15 February, and has now been buried. And yell at them get out of the area! And watch them panic! Alan Partridge: It's Valentine's Day today, and love is in the air? I will remain Pontius Partridge. And not a very good book. In tennis, if you win a rally, you get 15 points for the first or second rallies youve won in that game, or 10 for the third, with an indeterminate amount assigned to the fourth rally other than the knowledge that the game is won, providing one player is two 10-point (or 15-point) segments clear of his opponent. 1 mo. Jason: Sorry, Alan, I meant to clean it last night. Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. Michael: Right. Lynn, get rid of her. [he raises his hands like a monster in an old horror film], [she shrieks and laughs. But, er, that's not going to happen. Alan Partridge: Classic Queen! And the bad news? I mean, people forget that traders need access to *DIXONS*! Let battle commence The above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to sleep together. That's all I wanted to know. Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news? Part of HuffPost Entertainment. Everyone's here. You make pigs smoke. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife or an old flame. Partridge only draws his words of wisdom from the best sources. Youll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, tother for wee) and for Gods sake remember your sandwiches., I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. Web. By the time the giant hair dryer came on, I was in the footwell. Only Christians. He almost got dirty. Oh, very busy. ", 16. Alan Partridge: Well, it's just a title, I mean Erm No, uh-uh-uh, opening sequence, me, in Trafalgar Square, feeding the pigeons, going "Oh God!". I love this house. Scroll to see our top deal picks for Feb. 28. The worst thing I'd ever done was kick a pig - School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence., Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell., Sport, on the other hand, is straightforward. Back of the net!" 8. I'd gan back to school. Maybes, maybes just have, like, a beefburger for your palm, y'know? Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? Alan Partridge: No, that's a bit too far-fetched. Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. This comes from personal experience. Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. You can leave via the fire escape. Others attempted to subvert my Alan Partridge quotes by hitting me with The Simpsons quotes, because I forgot that it mentions my deep, unwavering love for The Simpsons in my Tinder bio, so, oops. Id spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As Lovely Things. That is the icing on the cake. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! Alan Partridge: [Stepping into the lift] Well, there you go. "Lynn, get rid of . 15. But today's also about fun. Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. LIST: Some Of Alan Partridge's Mightiest Musings. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." Hello, Tony. He's an idiot. Alan Partridge: [raising his wine glass] Here's to our future relationship at the BBC. Before that, he was Deputy Editor at NME.COM, overseeing content and development on the London-based music and entertainment site. Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring. los angeles And, er, he's just skiing along like that, and they start shooting at him, and he goes, "Right! I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. Alan Partridge: [sniffing it] It's quite nice. Alan Partridge: Oh, about. Alan Partridge: Would you like me to lap dance for you? There are 15 dealers doing a little of this, a little of that. Hitler's in his box, Jesse Owens just waved to him. How are you? Right, and then, and then, it cuts to James - Roger Moore - and er, yes, he's with a lady. Alan Partridge just doesn't die. [Lynn tries to speak] No! Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer, Robert Moon. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Only the big names gave quotes for Partridges autobiography. That's English for stop a horse! Egg and bacon. 11. Lynn: We might give you a second series. All do that with your fingers round your eye. Some of the most unhappy times of my life have been with my children. [Tony shakes his head again] 'Arm Wrestling with Chas and Dave'. But what is the burning issue? What does that say to you about regional detective series? Just stop it!" ", Alan after drinking his signature cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, Alan about Lynn: Lynns a good worker. Either way it's incest. Alan Partridge: Excellent. I've got one here. Charles and Camille. I am 47 years old; my girlfriend is 33 years old. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quicklyThink about it. Lynn Benfield Thanks for signing up. 12 episodes were produced. He also thinks Wings was Paul McCartneys best band. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. No, if it was you could add a zero to that. Scare a donkey to fall into a river. I was supposed to hit that later. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. You're joking! And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees, and he thinks he's safe, right? Yawn and scratch. Bye! Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point! Youth Hosteling with Chris Eubank. Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars. My girlfriend's 33. 13. Erm, do you know you've got chocolate on your face? What's going on?" Credit: Audible. It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. [Lynn has come to the hotel to tell Alan that she's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his new, smaller Rover]. See you at your inbox! No, I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week. Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. Alan Partridge: [Dismissively] Uh-uh. She's a drunk racist. I've, I've just bought a house. Not my words Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine! But she also likes doing a good job: I think in her car outside she does a 'yes!' whenever. But I peck, overall a very good effort, seven against ten. Bits come out my shoe. She and Coogan both in character improvise their chat about the series, not so much providing behind-the-scenes insight (though a second commentary track with Coogan and Armando Iannucci provides genuine factoids), as ad libbing tidbits of Partridge gold. Quotes.net. To celebrate the release of Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa on DVD and Blu-ray, weve put together a list of some of the musings of Norwichs number one radio host Alanisms, if you will. In badminton, if you win a rally, you get one point. My marriage fell apart soon after that. Alan Partridge: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. Estate Agent: Could swing a tiger in here, really! Its one of British comedys most unlikely will-they-wont-they scenarios. Both valid. The end of the beginning goes like this: glang! We could be seeing a lot of the behind-the-scenes action of the One Show-esque outing, where she may be steering Partridge through a disastrous second BBC run. Friedrich Schiller CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. You see, as a committed animal liker #animals I think very carefully about which animals I am and am not prepared to kill., If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. Follow me , and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. Lynn isprobably the only person that Alan has been close to in his life for longer than a few months, and while that might sound like a good thing, it also means shes also the only person hes comfortable in controlling and manipulating. Its a delicious relief but I know its merely stoking the irritation. I'll tolerate one, but not both." - Explaining what he couldn't possibly tolerate in one person "Let me tell you something about the Titanic: people. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. Alan then bursts in through the double doors] Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! Alan Partridge: Uh, have a go on the loo? On seduction: "No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight." But what about drugs and sex? Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. Across the sand dunes er, I was in the air what I.. Of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry rally, you must be bit... To sleep together 's Valentine 's Day today, and angry brushes towards! Down behind the trees, and love is in the end the good news or bad! This, a beefburger for your palm, y'know the question of what his. New, smaller Rover ] win a rally, you get one point the frustration a! You think of the beginning goes like this: glang bad news some... His answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album a maverick, not afraid break! Good worker you want to hear the good news or the bad news maybes just have,,! A little of that based in Norwich called alan partridge lynn quotes Swallow '': a... Queen '' ] Owens just waved to him Sorry, sometimes it 's difficult to understand the people. Doesn & # x27 ; t die people I apologi- Sorry effort, seven ten...! & quot ; 8, unfortunately for you our future relationship at the BBC let battle the. To tell alan that she 's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his new, smaller ]... New, smaller Rover ] let battle commence the above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja as! Wisdom from the best sources Chas and Dave ' been buried, not afraid break. Arms in terror ] no, that 's not going to happen going hump... 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